After work, I had a good idea of what I needed to do. I needed to find the power cable for my old computer monitor and start composing some music for a video clip. I wanted to set up a second monitor so I could focus on telling a story without sacrificing screen space. I eventually found a cable and got things to work, but then something exciting happened.
I experimented with my streaming software and made things work. After a test run, I was off and running. My set up complete, I was free to be creative and write to the scene. This clip is after I recorded some rough ideas down.
I really hope you like it this first attempt. I will for sure keep working at this and will post my progress.
I woke up this morning and I felt that the house was colder than usual. Then, I remembered hearing news of a cold front that was moving in. My first thought was to check the furnace to make sure everything was running as it needed to be. It was. Things just seemed a little colder today.
I started my usual routine and I was still cold. Drank a cup of coffee, still cold. Then I thought about what it would be like if I didn’t have what I have now. What if I didn’t have a roof over my head or a furnace to keep my family warm at night? A chill came over me, making me colder still…
I’ve struggled with my depression for a long time it seems. Longer than I’d care to. But one thing that I’ve noticed, especially around the holidays, is that helping people always made me feel better. By helping people, somehow I am able to remove myself from whatever it is I am feeling at the moment and I feel better. Random acts of humanity probably saved my life and I never knew it.
Cut to this morning…
I’ve made attempts at gathering warm clothes and canned goods in the past. I was able to get some friends to help out over the years, but recently I had stopped. I had other things going on, and I’d forgotten something that made me feel good again. Compassion.
So this year I’m trying again. Let’s try and help.
EDIT: I’ll be starting to collect items this week. I’ll be starting with some of my own stuff and asking friends and family if they have anything to donate. I will also be taking any canned goods that might be available.
In times of need, One will often look for the guidance and support of others to help make it through. This help can be in the form of emotional support, or even just some affection after a long day. We look for the comfort of a shoulder to cry on, or a friendly ear to listen to our sorrows. We are comforted by the fact that someone is willing to let us be vulnerable, weak or even let us break down in the safety of their presence. We trust them with our feelings, and are assured that they are safe with them. Sadly, I feel that this support hurts us even more. One can become dependent on this support, and can no longer live without it.
Do not become dependent on someone ELSE to comfort you during hard times. Do not let yourself become comfortable sharing your weaknesses, or fears with somone only to have them hold it over you. Do not become so inundated by your pain that you can’t help yourself. Become stronger for yourself, by yourself. Let the person you run to for help be the person you see in the mirror.
Its like you’re constantly swimming to keep your head up. Some days the water is calm and you have the energy to keep swimming. But some days there’s a storm and the waves are so big you don’t know if you can keep from going under.
You know you can’t swim forever, and you know you’ll eventually sink to the bottom. But each day you keep swimming because you don’t want anyone to worry about you. You don’t want to worry your family or friends and you’ve been swimming for so long it’s second nature.
Sometimes you can talk about stuff with friends and they’ll understand. Those are like drift wood, helps a little but they take on too much water and can hardly float for themselves after a while.
You try not to think about all the things that would happen when you go and how your loved ones would suffer. Those thoughts make you swim harder, those thoughts are the sharks that circle you.
Then finally, you know that if you keep swimming long enough you will eventually reach shore and you won’t have to swim anymore. Those are the goals and hopes that I use to remind myself that good times are possible and that my life will get better.