Deep down, I’m always hiding behind a mask. A mask of conformity, a mask of control, a mask to blend in. Always making sure to say the right thing. A mask to make sure I can get by just long enough to clock in, clock out, and get back home. A mask to disguise myself in a world that I genuinely don’t want to be a part of. A mask that allows me to survive in this world without being an active participant. But deep down, I want to stop.

Originally this post was going to be about my fashion brand and how clothing could be used for self expression and for expressing genuine authenticity. And I’m not trying to take away from that point, in fact I still believe in that wholeheartedly. But I feel I may have stumbled upon something deeper, something darker in ways, but nonetheless, something closer to authenticity than I ever thought.

In simple terms, I want to promote being yourself and expressing yourself through fashion, art and music, but at my core I’m still wearing that mask. I’m not practicing what I’m preaching and it’s getting to me. It’s getting to me in such a way that I’m noticing it more and more each day. I see how I play it safe, dressing corpo-casual as I clock in and dumb down the rockerboi shine. I’m noticing the split between my two personalities and the conflict is starting to weigh heavy. Almost as if I have a rebel construct installed in my head and it’s slowly trying to claw its way out.

So I struggle with the daily grind. Struggle with keeping that mask on to survive. Struggle with keeping that fire alive while playing it safe. Struggle with the contradiction that is my current position.

I don’t want to hide. I don’t want to mask my true self anymore. I don’t want to be something that I’m not. And I don’t want you to either…