Every now and then I’m reminded of my own mortality.

I’m becoming more and more aware that I’m getting older, and that I can’t bounce back like I used to. One late night bender costs way more than it did in my twenties, and all those drinks have consequences. A few doctors visits later I’m here, learning about those consequences and I’m not sure I can afford the bill.

They told me to get on all these expensive drugs and to focus on getting some things back in check. What’s weird about everything is that I actually feel fine, at least I thought I did. It turns out that I was just coping. What I thought was just a rough night or too-many smokes turned out to be something way more serious. All those drinks, cigars and joints were finally catching up to me and I was feeling it.

After the initial few weeks of appointments, blood work and follow ups, I finally got a good idea of where I was at. Long story short, cut the bad shit, increase the good shit and try to manage stress better. “It wouldn’t hurt to learn some emotional regulation or maybe do some yard work..”, the doctor told me with a sharp condescending tone. I thought the last one was a dig, but nonetheless it was noted.

Flash forward to now and I’m trying to stay away from the drinks and limit my smoking and vaping. But let me be clear, I wasn’t the type to be out all night partying at the clubs or becoming a regular at my local dive. It was worse, I was at home and it was 8 am. You can’t create when you’re burnt out, and you damn sure can’t sing when you’re blacked out drunk.

Totally not rockstar shit…

All of that can add up fast and you can totally see how I was destroying my body. Now I’m trying to undo the damage. Trying to learn how to cope with the stress without the bottle or the weed. How I can identify emotions with more intention than simple labels and finding ways to properly resolve conflicts. What’s even funnier, this is the last year of my thirties. Another life reset has I finish out another decade.

That’s where I’m at now. Trying to focus on eating the right things and trying to get more steps in. But more importantly, I’m learning that life can be better without the crutches I’ve held on to for most of my life. With more clarity and more energy I can stay active and chase my passions that much longer.

Be well…